Have you ever watched someone who just seemed to connect with anyone and with envy asked yourself how they do it? It’s no secret that getting along with people is the secret to getting ahead in any profession, but some people seem to make it look effortless to be so charismatic and charming and it an leave the rest of us left with the feeling that we’ll never measure up. How can we use some of their secrets to get along without being a pushover? How can we get along to get ahead?

Luckily for us, the charming leave clues. If we study the successful close enough, we notice that five things unite them in their quest for influence.

Number 1: They Listen More Than They Speak

People who have mastered the art of being charming have learned the lesson that they already know what they think and that true influence comes from learning what other people think. This is why when it comes to being charismatic, listening is the silver bullet.

Number 2: They Put Themselves In The Place Of Others

Being able to look a the world from the perspective of other people is the cornerstone of influence. Until we can look at someone’s position from their angle can we see where to begin. Using empathy keeps us out of judgment and away from the black and white thinking that can ruin relationships.

Number #3: The Find The Good In Everyone

In one of my favorite books, Charming Your Way to the Top, Michael Levin makes the point that charm in the art of making people believe that you care. While it’s true that charming people don’t like everyone, they find something to like in everyone. This means they’re always looking for the good in everyone they meet.

Number 4: They Talk In Terms Of Other’s Interests

Charismatic and charming people very seldom talk about what they want. They talk about what others want. My favorite Dale Carnegie story is that while fishing he realized that as much as he likes strawberries and cream, the fish prefer worms so he doesn’t put strawberries on the hook, he uses worms. He calls it baiting the hook to suit the fish, not the fisherman and it works even better with people.

Number 5: They Care

There’s an often-quoted cliche’ that people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care. It’s often quoted and cliche’ because it’s true. Charming people care about the people they’re communicating with and there’s no real way to fake that. When you genuinely care about other people, they can’t help but connect with you and it’s the real secret to getting along.

The secret of getting ahead is getting along. That’s not really a secret but by listening, putting ourselves in the other’s place, finding the good in everyone, talking in terms of other’s interests and genuinely caring, we can capture the secrets of those who do it well and find ourselves just as successful.

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